For many years now, most people of America have planned out their survival plans if a zombie apocalypse happened. For those who haven't, you've come to the right place. This week's Survival for Idiots guide is all about the zombie apocalypse. Let's jump in.

 

The Zombie Apocalypse isn't a laughing matter. Most people will die, and our job is to attempt to minimize the casualty rate by informing our fans. If an apocalypse were to happen, you first need to run by the nearest Dollar General to buy some supplies. Don't steal, because the authorities can still come after you. Do not go to your local Walmart, because that's where everyone will go. After you lawfully purchased your supplies, you will then need to go to any McDonald's of your choice. Once you've arrived, wait in line to purchase food to last you a month or so. After you've purchased supplies from Dollar General, and food from McDonald's, you'll be ready to purchase a state-of-the-art vehicle. We recommend you buy a Toyota Prius, because those last forever. 

 

Once you've done all that, you will then need to head to a pawn shop and bargin weapons. Don't go to a gun store, because you'll have to pass a heavily placed background check. Even though everyone will be in mass hysteria, there will still be laws one must follow. After you've completed all your purchases, you must then find shelter. We will recommend you move to the city, because zombies will expect you to move out into the country. 

 

It should also be noted that you must stay away from any TV or radio, because all you'll see and hear will be depressing. You will also need to destroy your cell phone, because if someone calls you, you won't know if they're in the process of turning. Do not get with a group of friends. You must remain solo throughout the apocalypse until a cure is found. 

 

This has just been an over view of what you should do and should not do. If you listen to this, then you'll be safe for when an apocalypse does happen. Stay tuned to next week's Survival for Idiots.