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THE WORLD'S SECOND RELIABLE
NEWS SOURCE
Memphis voted best place to live
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December 11, 2015 Brandon

Today, Homeland Security took a poll, on the living conditions in Memphis, Tennessee. They were astonished on their results, and decided to share them with us. Here's what they have found:
# of African Americans........62.8% (410,080)
# of White Americans...........27.3% (178,557)
# of Hispanics........................6.6% (43,373)
# of Asian................................1.7% (10,959)
The average income (as of 2013) is $36,722
These numbers wern't what shocked Homeland Security. These were just random statistics. What stunned Homeland Security is, the fact that there are so many citizens in Memphis, that not a lot of people can commit crimes, because they can be caught. We interviewed some local citizens of Memphis.

We interviewed these two people, who claim to be real thugs. We asked them a few questions, because it took them a long time to answer yes/no questions. The driver, had lived on the streets since he was 5. The passanger, just got on probation. After we asked them where they got their vehicle, both gave us their middle finger, cursed at us, worse then a sailor, and sped off. After that, we came to the conclusion that the interview was over, and decided to interview more people.

As we were walking around with a big camera crew, we ran into these three. While we were interviewing them, the woman kept bringing up her "baby daddy". The middle one told us to get lost, or we'd get shot. The other guy told us that he has a "bunch o' guns" in his trunk. As we were concluding our interview, we got in the middle of a drive by. Thankfully, none of the camera crew was seriosuly injured. We decided to stick around, until we found a white person to interview. After all day of walking around, getting held at gun point twice, we finally found a white person.

I got a bad vibe off of him the second I looked at him, but we went on with the interview. During the interview, he showed us his gun collection, which consisted of pistols, machine guns, molotovs, and broken beer bottles. He informed us that people have broken into his house, so he decided to arm himself. We asked if he purchased those guns legally through Obama's strict gun laws, and he said no. He said all gun control does, is makes lawful citizens defenseless. With those words of encouragement, we concluded the interview.
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