Reports have come in from the Brooklyn area, that a man is mugging people. What makes this unique is, he's dressed as Santa. The NYPD has stated that he is armed and dangerous. When asked what he's armed with, the police replied with a "heavy sack". Many civilians reported hearing hooves and slay bells before they get mugged. Could this be the real Santa mugging innocent civilians? I assure you, it's not. We also got reports that gang members got mugged for their illegal firearms, gernades, and cocaine. We don't know why he's doing this, our only guess could be ObamaCare has affected the North Pole, and the elves have gone on strike until they get paid $15 an hour, so Santa is improvising by mugging people for their stuff, so he can pass them out at around Christmas time. It's good he's started early, because our sources tell us that he will soon be heading to Syria next. One could only guess what horrors he'll pick up from those Extremeists. As for me, I hope he muggs a ISIS member for his rocket launcher, and gives it to me for Christmas. We will continue to keep our fans up to date with this story. The NYPD also told us to share some tips with our viewers:

 

1. Travel down dark alleyways, so you can hide in the darkness if you hear him coming

2. Keep an empty bottle of pepper spray to throw at his face

3. Never look over your shoulder, because you might run into a brick wall

4. Don't use the buddy system, because your buddy could betray you, or could secretly be Santa

5. Carry an unloaded firearm, so you can scare him away, and can't shoot any civilians

6. Don't carry tazers, because his clothes repel tazers

7. Don't carry your cell phone, because it could go off while you're hiding

 

If you follow these 7 procedures, then you can be safe this Thanksgiving, as well as into the Christmas season.