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THE WORLD'S SECOND RELIABLE
NEWS SOURCE
May 25, 2013 Brice
The Death Star is to be blammed
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Meet the political scientist
We decided to look back on a few events of American history. No, not the Civil War, but the Great Recession of 2007. Do not mistake the Great Recession for the Great Depression of the early 1900's. When we did our research, we have found that the main reason for the recession, is because of an event that happened in 1983. You might ask yourself, what happened back in '83, and the answer to that is: the destruction of the second Death Star. You might be asking yourself, "That's a lie. The Death Star was a work of fiction." Well, I assure you, it happened alright. To prove our findings, we interviewed Senator Palpatine of Naboo. Many adults know him as the Emperor, but it doesn't matter who you know him as: They're the same person. Many people believed him to be dead, because Darth Vader threw him, but the Force doesn't let people die so easily.
We didn't ask him much questions, because we didn't want to be struck down by his lightning, so we kept it simple. We asked him about the Great Recession, and he knew nothing of it, which we find it as classic denial. He did tell us though, that creating the second Death Star was a lot harder then the first. They had to go to Earth to gather more slaves, etc. We told him to do something about his face, because it's ugly, and we had to run. Paul, Ricky and Brandon ended up in the hospital, which there is a 50/50 chance of them recovering completely, but only a 10% chance of that.
With that in mind, we decided to interview someone who was good with money, and the United States economy: Dave Ramsey. During the interview, he stated that it was indeed, true. That the Death Star was the main cause of the Recession. We asked him how, because those events happened over 20 years ago, and he said some huge disasters take time to make an impact. He gave this as an example, and also told us of Hurricane Katrina. He also told us that there were more factors, other then the Death Star. Some factors were people suck with money, and kept going into debt, so the banks decided to raise intrest rates on loans, and people can't pay off their student loan debt, and many other things compiled together.
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